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Cult Movies

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Critters Deserves More Sequels

Critters is one of the most under rated horror franchises of the 1980’s. Permanently in the shadow of Gremlins, the Critters films never really caught on culturally the way they should have. The Critters formula is pretty simple. It’s loads of comedy, cute creatures with big fangs, and plenty of bewildered townsfolk for the Critters to devour in semi comical ways. The natural progression of the films is pretty fun. […]


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Sequelized: Willow

Anyone who has a pulse can see that the 80’s are very en vouge currently. If a movie isn’t ripping off the 80’s visual tropes, then they’re literally just re-inventing a previously broken franchise for the current generation. When surveying the annals of 80’s films that are ripe for re-imagining or sequelization it doesn’t take one long to get to the 1988 fantasy masterpiece Willow. The film is produced by […]


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Sequelized: Fallen

Time is on my side. Yes, it is. Anyone who has seen the Denzel Washington vehicle Fallen knows exactly what I’m talking about. Most people that I’ve encountered don’t even correlate the song with the Stones anymore. It’s Fallen. Walking through a crowd of people singing “Time Is On My Side” will inevitably result in someone stopping to ask if you’re singing the song from ‘That Denzel Movie’. How could […]


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Movies That Should Be Great But Aren’t: The Omen 3 Final Conflict

I love Sam Neil. I love The Omen. I love post-apocaplytic prophecy movies. So why don’t I love The Omen 3 Final Conflict. The Omen 3 should have been the best entry into the franchise. It has the best premise of any of the movies. I really does. It has the best elevator pitch of any of the films. The son of Satan, now an ultra powerful businessman/politician is attempting […]


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The Donald Haire Dairies #2

  I woke up on the couch.   That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It happens a lot. I have this habit of watching movies, pouring MDMA, via a tricked out eyedropper, into my eyes and rubbing this frayed patch on the left cushion until I pass out.   I’m not exactly sure when I started doing this, but, nonetheless, it’s become something of a ritual for me.   Last […]


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Craig Zobel’s Compliance (Film Review)

Compliance is one of those films that wants to grabs you and never let you go. If it succeeds at this goal is debatable. The film revolves around two woman, Becky and Sandra. Becky is a young plucky fast food joint employee and Sandra is the shift manager. When Sandra receives a phone call, from someone claiming to be the police, accusing Becky of stealing money from a customer she […]


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The Horror Express (Film Review)

In a summer that is dominated by high profile cameos, talked about bit parts, and scene stealing appearances it would appear prudent to revisit one of the greatest all-time scene stealing roles ever created on film, in the history of things that have been put on film, and are awesome. How’s that for a run-on sentence. The film that we will be discussing today is The Horror Express. It’s a […]


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Michael Mann’s The Keep (Film Review)

The Keep is one of those special films that is seemingly secreted away by the film world. It’s virtually unknown in both nerd B-movie aficionado circles and mainstream audiences. It’s in that nebulas gray area. It’s a film that isn’t crappy enough to be loved with irony and it isn’t quality enough to be heralded as a revolutionary step forward. Thus, it’s nearly lost to the sands of time. The […]


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No, It’s Really Good: Star Trek III: Search For Spock

No, It’s Really Good is going to be a recurring column in which I examine overlooked or under appreciated films. Today’s film is Star Trek III: Search For Spock. Maybe this is an extremely unpopular opinion but I’d put Star Trek III: The Search For Spock up against any film in the franchise.   Let’s take a quick step backwards and remember some of the history that got us to […]


Movie Rumors: Unbreakable Sequel

M. Night Shyamalan hasn’t had an easy time pleasing audiences lately. In fact, one might assert that he’s used up all his street cred from Sixth Sense and Unbreakable and is now just straight up sucking at everything he tries. One also might get very little resistance over that assertion. For years movie fans have been pining for the return of “old” Shyamalan. Everyone just wants to see the guy […]


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The Substitute

Judging the movie by the poster, I should hate this movie. I find the mini-genre of white people educating minorities to be abhorrent. If I have to watch one more poorly constructed film with a B-list movie star going into an underprivileged school and helping the poor, unwashed minorities extricate themselves from gangs and focus on getting a high school diploma, I’m going to shoot myself. I hate that shit. […]


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The Guyver (Film Review)

Dudes in rubber suits will never get old. I simply adore watching grown men garbed in foam and latex beat the ever living shit out of each other.   The Guyver is one of those movies that is best discovered on VHS. It’s also almost a viewing requirement that you smuggle it home from school in a backpack and wait for your parents to either go to sleep or leave […]


Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (Film Review)

  There are few cult films that live up to the hype. Evil Dead 2 is one of them.   Evil Dead 2 is a pseudo remake/pseudo sequel to Sam Raimi’s first film The Evil Dead. The film ret-cons some things and embellishes on other.   When I was younger this aspect of Evil Dead 2 really bothered me. I was unconscionable to alter an aspect of the universe the […]


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The Evil Dead (Film Review)

  I came to Evil Dead later than most. I discovered it in college.   Moreover, I had an unconventional introduction to the franchise. That is to say. I saw them completely out of order. I saw Army of Darkness, then Evil Dead 2, and then finally The Evil Dead.  This may have affected my appreciation for the film slightly but I can see why people love it so dearly. […]


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The Black Klansman

  Bigots suck.   They do. They just suck. They’re the worst.   I love escapist fantasy narratives that deal with them getting their comeuppance. And that’s all I really expected out of The Black Klansman. I thought I’d see some bigots dying and other than that I had relatively low expectations.   I was blown away. The film, created in 1966, is brilliantly crafted, perfectly paced, and surprisingly artfully […]


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