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Horror Films

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The Guyver (Film Review)

Dudes in rubber suits will never get old. I simply adore watching grown men garbed in foam and latex beat the ever living shit out of each other.   The Guyver is one of those movies that is best discovered on VHS. It’s also almost a viewing requirement that you smuggle it home from school in a backpack and wait for your parents to either go to sleep or leave […]


Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (Film Review)

  There are few cult films that live up to the hype. Evil Dead 2 is one of them.   Evil Dead 2 is a pseudo remake/pseudo sequel to Sam Raimi’s first film The Evil Dead. The film ret-cons some things and embellishes on other.   When I was younger this aspect of Evil Dead 2 really bothered me. I was unconscionable to alter an aspect of the universe the […]


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The Evil Dead (Film Review)

  I came to Evil Dead later than most. I discovered it in college.   Moreover, I had an unconventional introduction to the franchise. That is to say. I saw them completely out of order. I saw Army of Darkness, then Evil Dead 2, and then finally The Evil Dead.  This may have affected my appreciation for the film slightly but I can see why people love it so dearly. […]


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House on Haunted Hill (Film Review)

Vincent Price is scary. He is. I love him like a weird older uncle but the man is scary. He looks like he’s involved in some sort of high-class child pornography ring. I say that with all the love in my heart, but homie looked like he was up to something 24/7.   Which is probably why he was so amazing in House on Haunted Hill.   The opening scene […]


Teeth

Teeth (Film Review)

Teeth   This flick is every man’s nightmare. It has to be. It’s just scary to think about. Sure, I’m sure there are undertones, or maybe even overtones, of male insecurity in what I just wrote but I challenge you, regardless of gender, to watch this movie and not get freaked out a little.   For the uninitiated, Teeth is the story of Dawn O’Keefe, a young Christian who is […]


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House of Frankenstein: The Best and Worst of the Universal Monster Movies (Film Review)

We all know the story of Frankenstein. It’s pretty commonplace in the modern cinematic vernacular. However, the original Frankenstein film franchise is something that most people are probably unfamiliar with. Yeah, sure there’s a doctor and he makes a monster and it gets chased by angry villagers.   However, there are aspects of the films that very few people remember. Do you remember Ygor being a man who survived the […]


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Zombie 2 (Film Review)

   Zombies are everywhere. They just are. There’s no denying that they’re approaching levels of played out that previously only the mullet and the jerry curl had attained.   The funny thing is that even though everybody loves zombies they’re really only into a handful of films. The films that everyone always talks about are the Romero films, and rightfully so, Zombieland, 28 Days Later, and The Walking Dead. Rarely, […]


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Monster Squad (Film Review)

    The fact that Monster Squad failed at the box office in 1987 is undeniable proof that there is no higher power. If there were some bearded all-knowing all-seeing entity living above us somewhere he or she would have intervened to ensure that The Monster Squad made money, established a franchise, and was heralded as a shining example of narrative craftsmanship.   But there is no God, Monster Squad […]


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Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires (Film Review)

  So there’s this legend, right? And it involves seven vampires, right? In, like, these suits of golden armor or something. So what would do to try and defeat them? You’d gather up a roving band of kung-fu wielding Robin Hood types… and of course their one sister, to try and help you fight these seven golden vampires, which are being controlled by Dracula. That’s obviously the only logical thing […]


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C.H.U.D. (Film Review)

The Internet is a strange and wonderful place. I say that because I find the habits that it makes people develop intensely interesting. Upon some self reflection the biggest changes that the ubiquitization of internet has brought about in me is how I consume media. I mean this in both the I’m-sitting-in-front-of-Netflix-for-ten-hours-watching-West-Wing way and in an I’m-going-to-buy-a-bunch-of-weird-DVDs-on-Amazon-at-4am-and-regret-it-the-next-day way. Both habits are ones that I’ve form since the Internet has really […]


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Nightmare City or City of the Walking Dead (Film Review)

    Zombies are played out. Plain and simple.   Whenever I meet someone and they tell me they’re working on a zombie project I groan. Zombies are over. They’re done. Leave them alone. Maybe in twenty years there will be a fresh perspective on them, but for right now they’re played out.   That being said, I love zombie movies. Love them. I love the Romero ones, the Lucio […]


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Maniac Cop (Film Review)

    Trying to find a cult movie with good production value is like attempting to find a cute girl at a D & D game. They exist, and thanks to the Internet they’re easier to find, but they’re still extremely rare.   Maniac Cop is that girl. She laughs at your Bag of holding jokes. She thinks your crusty Amazing Joy Buzzards shirt is cool. But most of all […]


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Shock Waves (Film Review)

Peter Cushing is awesome. He’s just a cool dude. Even after his wife died and he was visibly broken as a human being, he was still cool. Even in 1977, the year Shock Waves was released, when he looked like he was approaching 9,000 years old. He was still cool. Even in the scene in Shock Waves where his shirt is left open and his strangely Holocaust-internment-camp-style ribcage is exposed, […]


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