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Hollywood Family Thunderdome

Hollywood seems to be dominated by famous familial dynasties. From John Huston and his children Angelica Huston and Danny Huston to Kirk Douglas and Michael Douglas to the Smith/Pinkett-Smith children cadre. Being born into fame and stardom isn’t a guarantee that it will stick, but it’s definitely a good way to start your career. In the 90’s there was only one true Hollywood family that appeared in every film made over that decade. The Baldwins. Brothers Alec, Billy, Stephen and Daniel seemed to take the world by storm in the 80’s and 90’s. Their collective resume would put almost any acting family to shame.

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Is there a modern day equivalent to the Baldwins? Do we have a currently reigning Hollywood dynasty? What about the Hemsworths. The Hemsworths are currently as close to being a modern day equivalent to what the Baldwins were as we’re going to get. Chris Hemsworth and his brothers Luke and Liam are currently the ‘it’ family of actors.

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So what are we going to do? We’re going to make them duke it out. We’re going to put them into a fictional battle royal. We’re going to pit family against family. Only one family can emerge victorious

 

Daniel & Stephen Baldwin Vs Luke Hemsworth 

 

We’re pairing Stephen and Daniel up because they’re to two weakest Baldwins. They’re battling Luke Hemsworth because, well, he’s the weakest Hemsworth. And in all honesty, I’m not sure how many people actually know that he even exists.

Daniel & Stephen

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Stephen Baldwin has appeared in numerous pieces of cinematic trash. He also has appear in a few good movies. He’s been in the Usual Suspects, Bio-Dome, and Born on the Fourth of July. Daniel Baldwin has appeared in Homicide: Life On The Streets, Family of Cops, and Vampires. There’s really not too many jems in their collective uver. It’s really a boatload of B-movie level cheese and a few marginally watchable C-level entries. The two stand outs are Daniel’s Homicide: Life on the Streets and Stephen’s Usual Suspects.

Luke Hemsworth

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Luke Hemsworth is the oldest of the three Hemsworth siblings. He’s also the least successful of the three. That’s got to be awkward. Family reunions must be slightly uncomfortable in the Hemsworth household. Luke Hemsworth has appeared in numerous films and TV shows like The Anomoly and the 34th Battalion  but the only really significant entry is his portrayal of Nathan Tyson in the Austrailian television show Niehbours.

 

Winner: The Baldwins. C’mon. They’ve got Usual Suspects and Born on the Fourth of July. You can’t beat that. That take the first round.

 

Billy Baldwin Vs Liam Hemsworth 

Billy Baldwin

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Billy Baldwin has been in numerous films including Back Draft, Flatliners, Justice Leauge: Crisis on Two Earths, Virus, and The Squid and The Whale. Billy Baldwin is also so eeriely similar looking to Alec that it can be distracting. Of the three Non-Alec Baldwin brothers Billy is the heaviest hitter. He’s the first mate of the ship named Family Baldwin. He’s had a long and illustrious career. He’s talented and he’s been in several very excellent films.

Liam Hemsworth

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Liam Hemsworth fills a similar role in the Hemsworth family. It’s the power second fiddle. He’s the Scottie Pippen. He’s the guy that in any other family would be numero uno. In Liam’s extremely short career he’s already appeared in The Hunger Games, the Expendables, Love and Honor, Knowing, Empire State, and Paranoia. That puts him across stars like Stallone, Nick Cage, The Rock, and Harrison Ford. That’s a pretty impressive group of co-stars right there.

Winner: Liam Hemsworth. Even though Billy has had more longevity and has had more movies under his belt. Liam’s straight out of the gate franchise roles gives him the upper leg. Liam takes this round.

Alec Baldwin Vs Chris Hemsworth 

This is it. The final round. With the families tied at 1 all, it’s up the the big daddy’s to take it all the way. The respective patriarch’s of the families Baldwin and Hemsworth must now go head to head for the title of…. FIMO’s reigning champion of Family Thunderdome.

Alec Baldwin

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Alec Baldwin is arguably one of the finest actors of his generation. He’s appeared in several franchise films, won numerous awards, walked away from a successful film franchise, and delivered interesting and compelling performances for near on thirty years.  Alec Baldwin has appeared in The Hunt For Red October, The Shadow, Beetlejuice, Blue Jasmine, 30 Rock, Glengary Glen Ross, The Departed, Thomas the Train Engine, The Aviator, The Edge, The Good Shepard, Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, and The Cooler. Alec Baldwin isn’t just prolific, but he also consistently produces quality fare.

Chris Hemsworth

Chris-Hemsworth

Chris Hemsworth has gone from ‘that guy who played Kirk’s dad’ in Star Trek to Thor. He’s now currently working with the cream of the crop, as far as currently living filmmakers. He’s been in Thor, the Avengers, Rush, Snow White and the Swordsman, Red Dawn, and Cabin in the Woods. Hemsworth is currently a global sex symbol and  a bankable star.

Winner: Alex Baldwin. For obvious reasons.

Bonus Round: Family Team-Up

The rules for the bonus round are simple. Have two or more members of a given family appeared on film together.

Baldwins: Yes. twice. Born on the Fourth of July, and Back Draft.

Hemsworths: No. Unless, they were on some Australian show I’ve seen.

Winner: Baldwins.

Final Score:

Baldwins-3 Hemsorths 1

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Well, there you have it. The Baldwins have conquered the Hemsworths. They’ve proven that these young upstarts don’t hold a candle to their familial flame.

I was really rooting for the Hemsworths, too. I’d venture that in another decade this won’t even be contest. If the Hemsworths keep moving at the pace that they’re going currently, they’ll be putting the Baldwins to shame in around 5 years.

 


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About the Author

on MUSIC IS MY OXYGEN WEEKLY.

Dave Baker, originally from the drug-infested wasteland that is Arizona, lives in Los Angeles. He has a degree in Visual Communications with an emphasis in Illustration. Logically, he makes a living as a writer. Dave has written comic books and the moving pictures. Dave also enjoys talking about himself in the third person, not cooking, and taking long walks around his apartment. If you'd like to read more of his writing or comics they can be found at http://theactionhospital.com

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Posted in: Featured (Film), Film, Miscellaneous, Movie Rumors


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