Have you heard? Mötley Cruë is breaking up.
This week, the hair metal band who first rose to international acclaim in the 1980s announced what they swear will be their final tour dates ever—a 6-month-long trek across North America concluding with a final show in Los Angeles on December 31, 2015.
Of course, this news isn’t really a shocker. After all, the band first announced their end game right around this time last year, and they have been on their “Final Tour” pretty much ever since. This year’s version of the “Final Tour” will go overseas for the first part of 2015, and will spend the last half of 2015 hitting many major North American cities—including some cities that were hit as part of last year’s “Final Tour” for which some fans couldn’t get tickets.
But this is it. This is the last hurrah. After this year, it’s all over for “Dr. Feelgood.”
Do I sound skeptical?
It’s not really all Mötley Cruë’s fault that we have a hard time taking this seriously. After all, this announcement is coming on the heels of a long string of musical artists who promised they were retiring, only to make a comeback a few years later. This year’s comeback is Garth Brooks, who probably lasted longer than most since retiring in 2001, but is now about to head out for his first major tour in 14 years. Ozzy Osbourne’s retirement in 1993 lasted all of two years after his “No More Tours” tour before he embarked on his “Retirement Sucks” tour—and since then, he’s even managed to resurrect Black Sabbath. Other members of the I-quit-oh-wait-nevermind club include Jay Z, Barbra Streisand, Tina Turner, Mase…the list goes on. And after a three-year-long “farewell tour” and a three-year Las Vegas residency, we just can’t seem to get rid of Cher, who’s been “retiring” now for what almost seems like half of her career, just wrapping up another world tour in 2014.
So yeah. Kind of hard to believe when a major artist (or band) says they’re done. We’ve heard it all before.
But it’s different this time.
To lend credibility to their claim, Mötley Cruë took things a step further: coinciding with their announcement early last year, the band members publicly signed a “cessation of touring agreement.” The agreement forbids the band members from reuniting in any form after 2015, and according to their attorney, the contract is legally binding.
So. The band is breaking up. They signed a legal agreement. That makes it official.
Blah blah blah.
You see, there’s something about most artists—not just musicians, but other performers, as well. Basically, there’s something in them that compels them to perform. Something about it, whether it’s the need to create, the need to feel love from the fans, or even the need for more money to support their lifestyle. They gotta have it. So maybe they retire, they roll around in their money for a bit (if they made it big, that is)…and then they get bored—depressed, even. At that point, the options are usually three: die, get into trouble, or start performing again. Many (thankfully) choose performing, despite any promises they made to the contrary.
Now…think about it for a minute. Think about Mötley Cruë—a band whose entire reputation is built on the bad-boy persona, complete with raucous living and even lawlessness. Do we really think that if any of these guys really wanted to get back together, they would let some “binding agreement” stop them? Do we really think they wouldn’t find away around that little detail?
And for that matter—do we really want guys like that roaming the streets with nothing but time on their hands? Or would they be better off on the stage where at least we can keep an eye on ’em?
So, sure. Believe it if you want. Mötley Cruë is wrapping it up as a band. Their tour name says it all: “All Bad Things Must Come To an End.” Grab your tickets, ’cause this will be your very last chance. Tour dates are here.
Yeah, right. Forgive my skepticism, but I’ll believe it when I (don’t) see it.