FIMO - All the Film Info You Need

XXX (Film Review)

 

XXX may be the worst  most dated piece of mediocrity I’ve ever seen. I dig camp, I dig cheese, and I’m even able to look past poor execution and appreciate something for the idea. XXX may be one of the worst films I’ve ever seen.

 

How did this thing make money? It’s a poorly executed piece of wanna be James Bond garbage. I love bond, I love spy stuff, I even owned a skateboard in 4th grade. Going into XXX I thought that there would be something for me to gravitate to but, nope, nothing.

 

For those who haven’t seen it or haven’t heard of it, XXX was Vin Diesel’s action vehicle that really catapulted him to superstardom. The film, if you can even call it that, is James Bond with a 1999 twist. The protagonist is named Xander Cage. He’s a Jackass tv show host/X Games enthusiast. He gets his jollies by jumping off of things and having really bad motocross pants.

 

As the film progresses Sam Jackson’s Not-Nick Fury recruits Xander to do a surveillance mission on a Russian terrorist cell. There’s lots of jumping off of things and diving through things. The entire film feels destructively dated. Well, because it is. The villain’s terrorist cell is called Anarchy 99 because when they were escaping from prison they killed 99 guards and it was the year 1999.

 

The movie is utter hetero normative misogynist trash with next to nothing redeeming. The film is so transparent in its homages that you instantly know which bond movies are being aped. It’s not a mash up of spy genre tropes it’s literally Vin Teasel in the place of Bond and an American Flag instead of the Union Jack. It’d be hilarious if it wasn’t so painful to endure.

 

I’m quite glad I missed XXX the first time it came around and, honestly, I wish I hadn’t sat through the whole thing. It was excruciatingly painful.

1 / 5 stars     

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • LinkedIn
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

About the Author

on MUSIC IS MY OXYGEN WEEKLY.

Faith Danvers always drinks her tea with two pinkies out. It’s the only respectable way to drink tea. Sometimes, when she feels the need, she even drinks bottled water with two pinkies out. Faith enjoys writing, writing some more, and drinking with her pinkies out.

Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: Film, Film Reviews, Miscellaneous


Discussion

Pinterest
1 Comment