There I was, minding my own business, pondering how best to fill this Internet tube, when all of a sudden R. Kelly comes tearing out of nowhere to drop a heaven-sent content bomb all over my world.
THERE WILL BE MORE TRAPPED IN THE CLOSET!
Like, a whole 20 chapters more. According to a trailer posted on IFC (which is being stingy with the embed codes, so here’s a link), R. Kelly will be dropping the twenty-third chapter of his R&B epic/crazy person’s stream-of-consciousness on (appropriately enough) November 23.
For those unfamiliar with Trapped in the Closet, Mr. Kelly has helpfully supplied a full month in which to consume, ponder and come to revere the first 22 chapters of his ongoing tale of love, Berettas, midgets, cops, closets, flip phones and unfaithful women.
As a primer for those new to this party (and also because I’m looking for a cheap excuse to re-watch it) here are some of the essential moments from the first 22 chapters of the world’s foremost, closet-based psychodrama.
(Also, because it’s both amazing and necessary, here’s a flow chart describing the characters’ relationships.)
Where it all began. We are here introduced to R. Kelly’s Beretta, the titular closet and several of the cast of seemingly hundreds who will come to populate this inexpensively produced world.
I can only imagine the fun that R. Kelly has with singing in a hammy, faux Southern accent. I can only imagine the fun that the world has watching Michael Kenneth Williams do combat with a midget.
No huge drama in this one, but I just dig the hell out of the waitress, as well as Sylvester’s white-suited alter ego.
R. Kelly throws himself at the role of “Randolph” with a surprising abandon. This is a Saturday Night Live-quality impression.