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Zombie 2 (Film Review)

   Zombies are everywhere. They just are. There’s no denying that they’re approaching levels of played out that previously only the mullet and the jerry curl had attained.   The funny thing is that even though everybody loves zombies they’re really only into a handful of films. The films that everyone always talks about are the Romero films, and rightfully so, Zombieland, 28 Days Later, and The Walking Dead. Rarely, […]

Monster Squad (Film Review)

    The fact that Monster Squad failed at the box office in 1987 is undeniable proof that there is no higher power. If there were some bearded all-knowing all-seeing entity living above us somewhere he or she would have intervened to ensure that The Monster Squad made money, established a franchise, and was heralded as a shining example of narrative craftsmanship.   But there is no God, Monster Squad […]

SuperArgo and the Faceless Giants ( Film Review)

  Unbeknownst to me Superargo and the Faceless Giants is actually the second film in a franchise. I just saw a cool looking super hero dude and thought, “Yes, I will watch this.” I do not regret this decision in the least.   After doing some research on the Internet Superargo Contro Diablokus is the first film, where a professional wrestler, after accidently killing a fellow wrestler, decides to abandon […]

Red Tails (Film Review)

Red Tails   Two plus two does not always equal four. It’s true. In the world of film things don’t always add up to what they’re supposed to. They should. You want them to. I want them to. But sometimes they just don’t.   Sitting in the theatre before watching Red Tails I had that sinking feeling. The feeling like two plus two wouldn’t equal four. But I didn’t listen, […]

Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires (Film Review)

  So there’s this legend, right? And it involves seven vampires, right? In, like, these suits of golden armor or something. So what would do to try and defeat them? You’d gather up a roving band of kung-fu wielding Robin Hood types… and of course their one sister, to try and help you fight these seven golden vampires, which are being controlled by Dracula. That’s obviously the only logical thing […]

C.H.U.D. (Film Review)

The Internet is a strange and wonderful place. I say that because I find the habits that it makes people develop intensely interesting. Upon some self reflection the biggest changes that the ubiquitization of internet has brought about in me is how I consume media. I mean this in both the I’m-sitting-in-front-of-Netflix-for-ten-hours-watching-West-Wing way and in an I’m-going-to-buy-a-bunch-of-weird-DVDs-on-Amazon-at-4am-and-regret-it-the-next-day way. Both habits are ones that I’ve form since the Internet has really […]

Nightmare City or City of the Walking Dead (Film Review)

    Zombies are played out. Plain and simple.   Whenever I meet someone and they tell me they’re working on a zombie project I groan. Zombies are over. They’re done. Leave them alone. Maybe in twenty years there will be a fresh perspective on them, but for right now they’re played out.   That being said, I love zombie movies. Love them. I love the Romero ones, the Lucio […]

Maniac Cop (Film Review)

    Trying to find a cult movie with good production value is like attempting to find a cute girl at a D & D game. They exist, and thanks to the Internet they’re easier to find, but they’re still extremely rare.   Maniac Cop is that girl. She laughs at your Bag of holding jokes. She thinks your crusty Amazing Joy Buzzards shirt is cool. But most of all […]

District B-13 (Film Review)

District B13   The French, man. The French kick ass. Regardless of what certain Fox News correspondents would have you believe, the French know how to get things done.   The subject of our discussion today, or rather just my inane ramblings, is the French action picture District B13. Famed French writer/director Luc Besson and Bibi Naceri pen an incredibly dense action packed script that Pierre Morel executes with devastating […]

Kamen Rider Amazon (Film Review)

I strive to be a well-rounded, moral person. I’ve tried to accomplish this daily goal ever since I can remember. Due, in large part, to the super heroes that I read as a kid. Spider-man, Batman, Superman, and Captain America fundamentally changed me as a human being. I tried to be like them. So much so, that I took to dressing like Zorro on trips to the local grocery store. […]

Robo Vampire (Film Review)

One of the great crimes of the digital age is the absence of consumer’s accidental discovery. With search sophisticated algorithms, instant streaming and heads-up displays you instantly know what you’re getting into long before you actually consume the media. This last holiday season I took it upon myself, in a Punisher-style one man war on the future, to fight back against the never ending tied of progress. I found a […]

Shock Waves (Film Review)

Peter Cushing is awesome. He’s just a cool dude. Even after his wife died and he was visibly broken as a human being, he was still cool. Even in 1977, the year Shock Waves was released, when he looked like he was approaching 9,000 years old. He was still cool. Even in the scene in Shock Waves where his shirt is left open and his strangely Holocaust-internment-camp-style ribcage is exposed, […]

Power Kids (Film Review)

Grocery shopping is a necessary part of adult life. I may not particularly enjoy it but I feel compelled to do it so that I may continue to survive and not starve to death. Power Kids, the Thai kids action movie, gave me a similar feeling. I felt that I needed to finish watching the film because the Muay Thai martial arts sequences were so cool that I felt I’d […]

Battleship (Film Review)

Have you ever been on a really bad date? Like a date that just wouldn’t end? And the person you’re on a date with is trying so hard to make it fun? Like they keep repeating ‘oh, cool is this?’ or ‘I’m having a really great time, aren’t you?’ But nobody is really having a good time, are they? No. Both parties are just attempting to stave off the soul […]

Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS (Film Review)

This is strange to admit, coming from a Hebrew background, I love Nazis. Yeah, just sit there and chew on that for a minute. I love Nazi. Ok, I’ll clarify that statement some. I love Nazi movies. No, not Leni Riefenstahl. Although, her movies are impressive. I love movies where Nazis are the bad guys. I know it’s played out and everybody uses them as a symbol of one-dimensionally unrelenting […]