Dear Zach Snyder,
I’m not fond of the person you’ve become. When I first met you there was an air of great potential about you. I thought you’d become a really interesting and important director. Oh, how I was wrong.
I first encountered your work on you first feature film, the remake of Dawn of the Dead. Initially, I was shocked and disgusted by the very idea of remaking arguably one of the most important genre films of all time. The original Dawn of the Dead holds up splendidly. It’s an amazing film. It’s a walking comic book. I think it’s wonderful. It’s a socially conscious, hard hitting genre film. There aren’t many of those. The fact that a remake was put into production is inherently a flawed endevor. There’s no way to even come close to capturing the magic of the original. And you didn’t even try. I applaud you of this wise desicion. You approached the task of taking a much beloved piece of culture with a mind for keeping only the important elements.
I’ll admit I was supremely impressed by what you did with the Dawn of the Dead remake. You took a piece of culture that I dearly love and reinvented it. Keeping the tone, the idea of a mall over-run by zombies and nothing else. That took balls. I’m here to say ‘good job’ for that one.
Unfortunately thats about where my positive feelings for you end. I’m not a fan of how you adapted 300 or Watchmen. My sticking points with those two pieces of work are to laborious to even digress into. Needless to say you developed bloated and over dramatic narrative devices that were mind bogglingly bad. I never thought I’d be so frustrated with the use of slow motion. I love slow motion. I love it. How did you ruin slow motion for me, Mr Snyder? How is that possible?
But now we get to the most important piece of evidence. Sucker Punch. Sucker Punch might be one of the most terrible things I’ve ever seen. And that’s including works of Marcell Duchamp and the Phantom Menace. The story is a muddled mess, the action is plastic and unimaginative, and the fetishization of the condescendingly feminist iconography is bullshit. All throughout the marketing of the film you expressed how you wanted to make a female empowerment peice. You wanted the female characters to be strong and powerful. Guess what? You failed. They weren’t. That is to say, you completely dropped the ball, homie. Female characters can be sexy. Sure. That’s no biggie. But when you have two dimensional character parading around in lingerie and firing submachine guns it’s really insulting. It basically comes across as you being like “nerds like hot girls and guns. Let’s have hot girls and guns. And if we make the strong then women will like it too! We’ll make all the money. We’ll get the nerds and the women!” It sucks, man There’s nothing worse than feeble attempts at female empowerment. Let’s put it this way: you know what goes well we female characters kicking ass and taking names? Backpussy and sideboob.
And now we reach Man of Steel. You took the kindest, most gentle character in all of fiction and make him a murdering Jesus parable. Superman’s character is pretty simple. He’s a really nice guy and he just wants to help people. Well that wasn’t marketable for you, Mr Snyder. You thought people didn’t want to see a superhero being nice in 2012. Well, I’ve had enough.
I’m writing to you to say, take a break. You don’t need to rush into production on Man of Steel 2: Steel Harder. You should take a while, travel, see the world, just kick back. Try and get back to basics. You don’t need to make 225 Million Dollar epics. Make a small intimate movie that you actually care about. Make something with heart, with a soul. Something like the Dawn of the Dead. Make something that actually speaks to the human condition not just copying comic books panel by panel. The comic books exist. They don’t need to be movies. They’re comics. Make a movie.
And hopefully one that’s nothing like Sucker Punch.