Before its release, there was a tremendous buzz surrounding Guillermo Del Toro’s kaiju epic Pacific Rim. The convention footage that was shown whipped everyone into a frenzy, the early set reports detailed massive constructions being erected, and the actors involved seemed top notch.
At some point the buzz died down. People seemed less enthused by the idea of gigantic stompy monster fighting robots. Then, just weeks before the release of the film, Variety put out an article that claimed that Grown Ups 2 was going to beat Pacific Rim at the box office during opening weekend. To the shock of the entire nerd community, they were right. Pacific Rim made slightly more than they predicted but it was still put in a choke hold by Grown Ups.
This was all too much drama for me. I love kaiju movies but I wanted rubber suits. I know that’s very old fashioned of me but it anyone could have pulled off dudes in rubber suits punching each other it would have been Guillermo Del Toro. Think about the creatures from Hellboy and Hellboy 2. Now put them in a bunch of miniature buildings punching each other. It’d be perfect, right? Between the lack of rubber suits, and the bad press, and the disappointing box office I just decided to wait and see what happened.
Well, what happened is that Pacific Rim developed amazing word of mouth. Every person I encountered swore that it was the best movie of the summer. It was an overlooked masterpiece. Due to this, I forked over my $10 and went to witness it for myself.
Everyone was wrong.
Pacific Rim is terrible. It’s not good. It has so manny problems I don’t even know where to begin.
Let’s make a list:
In a movie that cost $200 Million you’d think they’d have at least one guy who had the job of blending the actors into the green screen, right? The entire movie I was ripped out of every scene by how bad the green screen compositing was. It felt like 20,000 BC. Where certain reshoots were obviously done on a green screen and some special effects guy somewhere was just like ‘fuck it’. And didn’t really composite anything. Pacific Rim suffered from this problem for the entire 2 hour run time. It was like driving down a really beautiful street with a shit ton of pot holes. The entire movie I was wincing from how bad the green screen was.
6) Charlie Day
I love Charlie Day. I think he’s hilarious. It’s Always Funny is one of the best shows ever. I even enjoyed Horrible Bosses cause he was in it. He’s an extremely gifted comedian. You know what he is in Pacific Rim? Annoying. The entire time he’s on screen he’s screaming. He’s doing his weird raspy Charlie Day voice and he’s screaming. It was so frustrating. It felt like a bizarre throwback to vaudeville or something. Charlie Day sucked.
5) The Movie Focuses On The Wrong Jagers(Robots)
The movie primarily focuses on two robots, the American one and the Australian one. I’m not sure why they picked Australia but whatever. These robots are big, the humanoid, and they punch things. That’s about the extent of it. Which is really too bad. They had so many interesting designs for the other robots and then just decided to play it safe when it came to the main two. There’s a THREE ARMED ROBOT that gets like 12 seconds of screen time. Why wasn’t he he main beat down machine. He’s got three arms! That’s awesome!
4) All The Kaiju Look The Same
This one is pretty simple and probably the second most irksome. THE KAIJU ALL LOOK THE SAME. What do you go into a movie like Pacific Rim looking for? Monsters. What happens when all the monsters look the same? You get sad.
3) Green Screen
Did I say that the Green Screen was horrendous? Cause it sucked ass.
2) Idris Alba Doesn’t Age
So there’s a weird subplot about Idris Alba’s character raising a small girl who survived a Kaiju attack. I know this is really strange but they show him in a flashback saving her and he looks exactly the same as he does in the main timeline of the film, which is thirty years later. And you know what? Idris Alba looks exactly the same. In the flashback they didn’t even shave his mustache. It’s so lazy it’s not even funny. It’s just sad.
1) GENDER ROLES
During the movie, THE ONLY FEMALE CHARACTER asks permissions from every male character, she’s always in a subservient position, she’s always messing up, and she doesn’t even have a character arc. The bizarre gender role reinforcement bullshit in this movie made me angry for almost the entire run time.
I expected more from you Del Toro. I expected more.